Marriage & Family
When it comes to matters associated with marriage, you might think that with toilet seat placement or closet space cooperation, the rest will fall into place eventually. Prior to marriage, most young couples envision that they’ll live a fairy tale romance as their heart over flows and bleeds with love. Then, the affection and adoration felt and shared between you and your fiancé transforms into magic and all you see is spring time with flowers blossoming, sunshine, butterflies and a dream life beckoning you to Paradise. Ah, love is grand, wouldn’t you agree?
Think again ladies; don’t lose yourself in a haze of naivety. Yes, you do have a ring on your finger sealing and declaring his commitment to you but things don’t pause there. Buckle up and get ready for a 360˚ life change!
In reality, there are matters much more complex. Your marriage will require you to make important decisions throughout life. Creating a solid foundation before the wedding will benefit your marriage. This foundation can be erected upon how well you communicate with your prospective husband-to-be.
I bear no intention to discourage or leave you in a petrified state of mind. I just would like to acquaint you with the bare facts. Million dollar question remains, how does one, especially a girl strengthen her relationship with her fiancé?
While being a girl and mild hearted companion, you need to place special care in understanding your fiancé, his mind, personality, his hopes, dreams and needs completely to live a happy and prosperous life after marriage. Be someone he can lean on in times of despair along with being that angel of joy he can rejoice with when life is treating him well. He dutifully should engage in the same practice in getting to know you as well. Reciprocation from both sides is like hitting the jackpot as far as marital bliss is concerned.
Here’s a list of things you should keep in mind whilst talking to your potential husband.
1) Keep the chemistry alive: There are a variety of topics to talk about from what’s happening in the world, your neighbourhood, work, relatives, friends, events taking place in your life, likes, dislikes, etc however mundane they may seem. Let him nibble off the cheese and show him little tidbits of yourself. Keep him guessing. Avoid typical answers and prove just how audacious you can be!
2) Keep his interests at the forefront: Whenever engaged in deep conversation with hubby-to-be, it always helps to include things that make him tick. That doesn’t mean you have to know every detail of the football match he was obsessing over; a simple “Who won that match you mentioned yesterday?” is enough to show that you care.
Pay attention to what he says, and don’t forget important details. Isn’t it annoying when you tell somebody your birthday is a certain date, and the next day they ask when your birthday is? Prove to him that you’re ready to go that extra mile to make him happy no matter what.
3) Break the ice like a smooth operator: Small talk is always a great ice breaker as 9 out of 10 chances is it’ll grow into a smooth flowing conversation; you can even joke about the fact that you both are acting all nervous and jittery over ‘small talk’ as if it’s an interrogation taking place! Find common ground and take it from there.
4) Use subtle humour: Cracking jokes or enlightening him with hilarious stories of your past will definitely work to your advantage. It’ll lighten the mood and get you both laughing which as a matter of fact just so happens to be a great ice breaker as well. If you feel he’s being a bit unnaturally distant then this should do the trick to loosen him up as far as proximity is concerned.
5) Make eye contact to show you’re assertive: Now, when I suggest making eye contact, I most certainly am not hinting at outright flirting. I mean it in the sense to display your honesty, positivity and most significantly, trustworthiness. These aforementioned traits are the building blocks to cementing your ideal relationship with hubby-to-be.
6) Close the conversation early: Follow that old saying – “Always leave them wanting more.” Find a way to gracefully duck out of the conversation before it goes stale or when you’re gleefully aware that it went from ‘good’ to ‘great’. Actually, this technique will do wonders if you’re speaking telephonically where after you hang up, you leave him staring at the phone for a good 5 minutes lost in thought over you and the conversation. Mission accomplished!
7) Get him comfortable in your presence: It’s a fantastic way to build your friendship and future relationship. Men prefer to be in the presence of women they can be themselves with. By letting all hang out, you’re permitting him to know that you’re fun, cool and a gal with a wise head.
Ask him about matters which need quick decisions. This’ll show how much you value his opinion and enjoy his input into your life. Also by making him feel important, he’ll make you feel like a queen!
1) Sweet talk 24/7 (365 days – and counting!): We tend to observe after some harmless eaves dropping that the conversation appears to revolve around such syrupy sweet lovey dovey talk, causing you to gag or slightly throw up in your mouth!
It may seem endearing at first but after a couple of months, especially once married, such behaviour doesn’t necessarily last. Isn’t that one of the first initiators of the first fight? “You’ve changed!”… “You don’t look at me the like you did before!”…*sniff sniff* “You don’t care for me anymore!!” … *blubber blubber* “What’s her NAME?!!”
You must realize that such behaviour will make you look beyond bad. You’ll appear clingy, needy, desperately and hopelessly dependent on him emotionally. Neither is that a sign of a healthy relationship nor of a mature and well rounded lady. I’m just sayin’…
2) Behave overly coquettish: I don’t know if it’s just me but the sight of some lady batting her eyelashes at the opposite sex in her conquest to win his heart is pretty much sickening. Al right, if it’s not such a painted scenario then it most definitely is with the constant giggling, hair twirling, etc, etc.
Don’t project such transparent coyness that it makes him reel with disgust. The worst that could happen is that you’ll evade him from respecting you and in turn become the victim of acute back biting. Who said guys don’t gossip? You should aim to be the one he holds in high esteem rather than the butt of his satirical jokes.
3) Act or converse in a dismally shy manner: Opening up to each other in order to create a special bond of friendship and adoration is indeed a requirement. If you remain closed up, you’ll come off as rigid. If you refuse to talk altogether, you’ll give the impression that you’re being forced into marriage.
If you are a painfully shy person, then overcome your fears through verbal communication and socialization. Take action, practice and be persistent with yourself. Don’t let shyness cripple you and your relationship with your fiancé. The self-confidence you build will ultimately aid you throughout life. Go ahead and make the change.
4) Place demands on how and what YOU want: The last thing you want to do is bombard him with your endless ranting and raving over how you prefer things or how you simply cannot do without so and so. I personally feel that every woman should know her man inside out so ever so slyly and shrewdly she can get things her own way and not even let him have the slightest clue! Avoid demanding stuff in such a devious and over the top manner. On top of everything else, you’ll be giving females a bad name!
There’s not only the two of you in this relationship as you must take into account his immediate family as well.
5) Tell lies: Little white lies shouldn’t be permissible, yet I’m aware of the fact that there are certain situations where you have no other option in order to save the honour of your family and what not. A little friendly advice though, the truth will always find its way back to him, and it could end up embarrassing you and all those associated with it.
6) Show disrespect: Do not at any cost go around belittling or mocking him in front of people who matter to him or when alone with him. Respect your fiancé and you’ll have a great relationship with him. As long as you hold his feelings and thoughts in high regard, you’ll both be happier. Accept him for who he is and he’ll do the same as long he’s not a narcissist!
7) Change him: The finest way to be a terrible fiancé is to attempt to change him. Leave room for growth, but acknowledge him just the way he is including his whole baggage of flaws and idiosyncrasies.
If you insist on the change then it should be for his good as well as for you, such as quitting smoking, instilling positive ethical and moral traits in him or even cutting down on his speed limits whilst driving.
No one’s a lost cause and nobody’s perfect. Some people just require a slight more attention or have to be handled with a little more care; metaphorically speaking that is! Heartiest congratulations to those readers who are engaged; wishing the best of luck to those all set to be engaged in the near future. That leaves us with that lot that still remains in the “single” category irrespective of age. Have faith in yourself and most essentially on the Almighty. He’ll bestow upon you the perfect companion that you’ll think to yourself with adulated joy; it sure was worth the wait.