You step out of the rickshaw you had hailed to take you to the nearby market for the extremely delayed shopping spree you had intended on going with your friends, which finally materialized for that auspicious day. Indulging in sweet personal freedom, fun and camaraderie is on your agenda for the day. You don’t have a care in the world at that very moment, only the erupting excitement of what lies ahead when all of a sudden…
A gust of wind blows your hair awry along with your clothes towards all directions found on a compass…so much for dolling up! No worries; you quickly gather your bearings, straighten out your clothes to the perfect position of presentable whilst simultaneously finger combing your hair back to if not the perfect dew, something more or less resembling the reflection in your mirror prior to leaving your humble abode. There’s this nagging feeling, gripping your heart and sending chills down your spine causing you indescribable uneasiness…what is this enigma? Am I being watched you ask yourself?
The questions posed to your inner being receive an instantaneous response. You look around the vicinity and painfully become aware of the innumerable pair of men’s eyes stuck to you like glue. Correction – Super glue!
The realization dawns on you as you struggle to get a grip of yourself with mortification and discomfiture washing over you in tidal waves that they had probably witnessed the whole wind blowing fiasco and you wonder out of despair what they had seen which they definitely shouldn’t have.
This is just one scenario that I’ve penned down as an example. Young girls, women, even children – little girls to be precise (for crying out loud!) find themselves in plentiful situations where they feel victimized by the eyes of men which never seem to leave them or miss a single action done by them. Their penetrating gaze appears to mentally undress you in their minds and their inappropriate thoughts are unveiled on their face topped off with that lascivious smirk causing your discomfort to reach its pinnacle.
One thing I do know is that men like that look for submissiveness, it shows them that you won’t fight back if they go further. They revel over a female’s squirming with the knowledge that they’re responsible for it. You can’t help but marvel over their audacity, especially over the manner in which they put a halt to whatever it is they were engaged in and crane their neck at an180˚ if required to get a good look at you.
Men Prone to ‘Love at First Sight’ Syndrome:
It’s quite an observable fact that men are more inclined than women to gauge beauty through a person’s outward appearance over one’s inner traits. While men’s first step in looking for a partner is too scan through a group of females and see who attracts them most, women on the other hand, are likely to ‘fall in’, or ‘grow to love’ someone rather that have it the ‘love at first sight’, kind of way. Given that a man’s biological and psychological composition differs from most women, men falling for women at first sight is one of the most common attributes of men.
Let’s speak the truth and nothing but the truth. It’s spot on and factually correct so I really don’t think men should deny it. How else are marriages arranged in our society? Those drawing room encounters where the girl is brought out to serve refreshments so that she can be scrutinized or rather literally scanned from head to toe, then it’s either an accepted or rejected response which determines the outcome. It may not be a quest for love initially, but beauty is undoubtedly prioritized over most other factors.
This is not to say that women don’t look or glance at adorable and ruggedly handsome virile male species. It is just that it is more socially accepted for women to be more refined and reserved when it comes to matters like this. While women are able to notice a guy’s appearance subtly, men often have a tendency to stare when they are attracted to a woman because society allows them to. Though it happens like second nature for men, a lot of women feel uncomfortable and often times, awkward nonetheless.
Is Vulgarity the Sole Reason For Staring?
Food for thought; I’d have to state that conceptually, it’s more or less instinctive behaviour inherent in every male, yet varies in degree. I can’t help but wonder that perhaps men are more liable to stare – in general – due to the testosterone they have a much higher likelihood of displaying aggressiveness as well as dominance. The dominating factor is present in both males and females, yet leans more towards the homo sapien inherently possessing the ‘Y’ chromosome; henceforth, assertion of dominance which they employ through a hard look or in other words: The stare. It may be harsh but not necessarily vulgar.
On the contrary, there are those male species that are programmed slightly differently. They are shy and actually hold respect for women in their heart. The reason for their stare is perhaps over the fact that they find themselves attracted to a lady which they’re fully aware of is out of their league. They are unable to muster the courage to approach her and can’t help but stare. What happens is the lady of interest notices the constant gaze which is fixated upon her and she, like any other female interprets it as a lewd stare and the “starer” as a pervert.
Are Women Equally to Blame?
If men suffer from falling in love at first sight syndrome, then we women will have to admit to being well aware of this fact. No? You don’t concur with this known fact? Then why is it that we witness women and young girls parade around in layers of makeup, clothes so tight that you wonder how they got into them in the first place strutting with an air of confidence and flashing their assets flagrantly or talk and jeer at such a deafening or should I say, exasperating decibel?
It’s pretty obvious that it’s the attention of the opposite sex that they bait and seek. To be clear-cut on this point, it’s actually everyone’s interest they yearn for regardless of gender. The men do what they do best: stare…and the females? They do one of three things: admire them from their looks and figure, right down to their fashion statement – admonish them for being so liberally modern and vulgar to stoop to such a level, or of course – the green eyed monster better known as jealousy consumes their entire being and they emulate them, desperate for the similar response.
Alright, I’ll be reasonable. This isn’t the case with every female or male to be realistically rational here. I’ve observed many guys who after the first accidental glance don’t lift their eyes again, even if it seems they’re making a huge effort by looking at every other angle but not at you! It all lies in the intention. Respect worthy guys like them do not intend to make you feel ill at ease in their presence.
As far as the modest and appropriately attired lot of women and girls are concerned, they may be covered from head to toe yet even then are subjected to a piercing gaze that goes right to the core, combining lecherousness, intense curiosity or just hatred. It is sometimes accompanied by clicking noises, cat calls and whistling meant to get a woman’s attention. It’s nothing short of humiliating with impropriety at the forefront.
How to Cease Their Gawking?
I don’t aim to be over critical but I resolutely believe that a lot of Pakistani men possess double standards. They genuinely think that it is acceptable for them to look at other women, but if (God forbid) another man looks at their wife/mother/sister, all hell will break loose.
There can be no guarantee for putting an actual halt to their ogling, but measures may be taken to at least evade or tackle the situation.
I have learnt and observed through plenty of firsthand experience that most gawking men are cowards by nature. When you hold your head up high and stare back, or question them about their absurd behaviour, they will usually mumble something beyond your comprehension and look away. After all, guys who stare at girls act brave and burly only as long as you are uncomfortable. If you show him who’s in control, he’ll tuck his tail like a little dog.
If you’re with a bunch of friends, you could just point right out at him (or them), and all of you could burst out laughing. There are a lot of things you could do, and I’m sure you could come up with something just as creatively spiteful any day!
Always remember to never cross the line of limitations though. Your goal should either be to teach them a lesson or give them a taste of their own medicine.
First stare is “accidental”, but second stare is “intentional”. It is the intention that makes it right or wrong.
I found this quote comically apposite as a concluding statement by Cynthia Heimel: “All men are not slimy warthogs. Some men are silly giraffes, some woebegone puppies, some insecure frogs. But if one is not careful, those slimy warthogs can ruin it for all the others.”