Marriage & Family
Fight, it’s what couples do. More often than not, we make sure that the person we are in love with goes through some extreme emotional pain. It is extreme only because we are so madly in love with them and them, with us. Every couple fights, the ones who say they don’t are in denial.
Talking about your feelings is often the best solution. It works even better if you talk about them with your partner and not your friends. Resisting the urges, holding back from the person you love is as damaging to your relationship than any other way you can harm the love between you and your partner.
Fighting is, contrary to popular belief, very healthy for relationships. Physical fights are not included because that’s just abuse. Fights here represent arguments. Here’s a list of things you should avoid in the heat of the moment.
Proving yourself Right
Don’t do it. It’s as simple as that. Do not do it. Especially not with the person you plan to spend your entire life with. When fighting with your spouse, if somehow your partner catches your intentions of proving yourself right, things will definitely get ugly. In the long run, it will damage your relationship.
Proving or trying to prove yourself right not only hurts the other person’s feelings, it damages their self-esteem, giving way for resentment inside them.
There’s a quote that says that some people listen with the intent to answer while others listen to understand. Don’t be the first kind. Don’t just listen to what your partner is saying so you can say what you hold inside. Let there be communication. Let them know that you value them and their opinions. You don’t have to accept what they are saying, but you can listen to them without disregarding them.
Especially not during an argument. Don’t use ‘taking time off to cool myself’ in the wrong way. You are not allowed to walk off while your partner is still talking. You will humiliate them, even if that wasn’t your intention.
Scream and Curse
This one’s a no-no when fighting with your spouse. People say that cursing each other every once in a while does no harm, but they are wrong. You are not with your best friend. It doesn’t matter if you were lucky enough to find your partner in your best friend or vice versa, there should be absolutely no cursing at each other.
Bring Up the Past
If you are mature enough to be in a relationship then be mature enough to leave the past where it belongs; behind you. Bringing up the past has never done any good in any arguments with anyone. You will only be disrespecting your partner, especially if they already apologized for what you bring up. Practice forgiveness. If you are not over something they did in the past, don’t use it as an attack on them. Don’t catch them off-guard, not during an argument.
How many people out there shut their feelings during bad times to save themselves from pain? A lot. For those people I have a mantra they should repeat to themselves every time they feel they are going to shut down. “Fear denies Faith”. It’s not mine but it works. You need to have faith in your partner, in your relationship and in what you two hold together. Fear of pain makes it very hard to open up but if you keep holding back without giving your partner a chance, you will regret it.